College: Hmmmm…

Well, I finally made it to St. Stephen’s College.

YEAH !!! YEAH!!!!

See for the past month or so, I have been sitting with my legs stretched on the bed and reading obscure stuff. Today I finally thought of doing something that I usually do engage in normal “human” conversations but is going to be tried for the first time on this blog. Diverting from the general trend of being politically correct and engaging in intellectual thoughts and pseudo-philosophical ideologues, its time now to be humorous and sarcastic.

Firstly, college is not the great place that people make it out to be. Atleast not for science students. In the most obtuse ways of Indian living and Indian education, science education is made tough not because science warrants such an approach but to respect the catharatic way of thinking of even more obtuse people of the Indian populace.

Secondly, seniors are not gods. They ARE GODS. Disrespect is like defiling an idol in a temple and if you do actually commit such a sacrilegious crime you WILL BE PUNISHED.

But by far the most obvious observation about Stephens is the almost unfailing propensity of a set of people to find their kith and kin in every nook and cranny, crevice and edifice and reduce the introduction session to an almost obnoxious plethora of questions and answers revolving around the same topic: God’s own coconuts

It does have its fair share of advantages as well. You can be friends with one of their kin and IO and behold you are friends with a whole bunch of people. And college without friends is well…..

Changing directions, for any college student the most memorable day is usually well the first day. Mine was but for entirely different reasons. See the earlier day before the fresher’s lunch, the Principal had given a very emphatic speech(of sorts) and told us that people are always jealous of uniqueness and that this institution valued uniqueness. That sentiment was felt no strongly than by me on the first day of college. Scampering and galloping down the roads of Delhi University isnt usually people start their college lives, but so much for me and my dramatic entrances. Then the usual process and grind of classes and professors telling us that science is tough and……

Being late for college. Now thats something new. You see St Stephen’s College has a tradition of holding an assembly for first year Junior Members (yes, thats what we are termed as, fucchas is so Rest of DU).

So here went my first account of life at St Stephen’s College. There will certainly be many more .

Published in: Uncategorized on July 26, 2010 at 3:08 pm  Leave a Comment  

June 10, 2010

I just came yesterday from a week long trip from Dehradun, my grandparents’ house. Though I dont have a great inkling to write a travelogue, I had really saturated and had no real inspiration to actually start this post. Simply put I have really been in a pretty gay mood and this I think is the most strangest thing that I have yet come to know about myself. Many a time, posts that I have written when I have been in a sad mood or have been upset. Right from the point where i actually started this blog, all posts have only one inspiration: sadness. That aspect might not come out as clearly but that fact is not hidden from me. Even now this post that I am writing has some inspiration: the coming DU cutoffs and the subsequent fight for DU seats

Rather than sadness I should correct it to say frustration, fear or just plainly some aspect or factor that I have not been able to put my finger on. The fact is that an unhappy moment is what has usually been the catalyst for all my posts. Not to say that I am a sad and forlorn personality per se. The thing is that when I dont have anything to write about, I usually search deep down and look for the most forlorn aspects that I have encountered in my life. To elaborate further, during examinations what I write in the English examination and the tone and the emotion and the underlying theme is governed by what I have encountered in the morning whilst I was coming to school. Usually I walk and that gives me ample amount of time to recollect the important aspects of the exam and also think about what had transpired the past few days. So if during my walk if I remember some joke, the subsequent tone and the emotion will be jovial and funny. If I see some sad happening like a beggar, then the theme would be sad and angry and aggressive. If I see some fault of the authorities or some other aspect for which I feel strongly then the theme would be sarcasm. So different moods warrant different themes and never is the converse true.

Infact, many posts I have not given any title. That is because its have been more of a conversation with myself. Even now this is a conversation with myself. This is just a transcript that the readers will be going through. Coming more to the point, the queer aspect of my writing. Today, I am not unduly sad, neither am I unduly frustrated and afraid. Even then there is no feeling of happiness just a feeling of well-being. Thats not a bad thing, you cant be happy all the time. But the question is why am I writing this?

After reading this draft again, there is an underlying feeling that comes out very clearly. I have clarity of thought yet I am confused. Confused is the aspect that has driven me to write this.The clarity is pretty evident as one line of thought follows another. Yet there is the feeling of confusion that I have still not countered.

Confusion. This is what many of my peers, whose judgement I regard highly as well as my teachers use to give me hints of but never state them explicitly. Many times I have heard them telling me that once you start writing there is no stopping me. But the line of thought has been ever clear to me. The only thing that has actually eluded me is the reason why I write so much even when there is no need. There is this habit of unduly stretching things and then talk about them, rather then coming to the point,. Maybe this whole exercise was conjured somewhere in my mind to answer this very notion. Yet I had no prior knowledge neither did I realise that by the end of it I would have come to such a conclusion.

AHA! When I wrote my first post it was about the power of the mind and the lengths that it took me and now I have come to it again. BUT, the fact is that I have again veered off from the original point. Again, I cant understand why> i do try to stop myself from veering away and writing endlessly. Perhaps I am like Forrest Forrest Gump who just keeps on running. In quite the same way, once I start talking there is no way to stop it.

Published in: on June 10, 2010 at 2:40 pm  Leave a Comment  

I found what I sought

I will be going to my first quiz in many months at the hallowed halls of IIT D. Though it will be the third trip for quizzing purposes, but it becomes all the more special due to the coming together of two of my best quizzing mates: Sandeep Nambiar and A. Tirumarai Selvan. Thanks to as they have taken a most wonderful step.  The most beautiful aspect of it all is that only yesterday I was itching to take part in some quiz and LO and behold my wish has been granted.

Another interesting fact that I learnt from this experience: Never underestimate of a heartfelt desire.

Published in: Uncategorized on June 9, 2010 at 5:20 pm  Leave a Comment  

At Times…..

At times when we are running the trees and the others things- living or otherwise seem to run away from us. At those times we are free and nothing seems to stop us. Freedom. But the fact is that we never seem to stop and ponder over the things that we have just missed. At those times I feel that we truly miss our freedom. The freedom to wait, the freedom to look, the freedom to ponder and wonder, the freedom to be a part of the world.

At times when we go towards a bird, seldom to hurt and often to wonder, it runs away. That bird is the biggest judge, the judge of us all. Why? Because it tells us how hollow we are, how cruel we are, how worthless we actually are, how free we actually are ?

At times when you pluck a flower, you leave the stem behind. The flower cries and wails. We have separated it from its lover. We try fruitlessly to beautify other things with that flower. The flower tells us how greedy we are, how selfish we actually are.

At times the best thing is to let go..

At times the best thing is to leave it alone…

At times the thing to do is to do nothing….

Seldom is it the right thing to pluck a flower or run amok or to catch a bird. Oft it is the right thing to enjoy nature as it is.

Published in: Uncategorized on June 6, 2010 at 3:59 pm  Leave a Comment  

May 31 2010

Another very interesting fact about myself. I more of an idealistic thinker. More platonic in many respects. I have this very idealistic way of looking at things. I mean I have this inbuilt way of thinking that transcends whatever the real world actually goes around. Sometimes leads to very strange outcomes. (more about it later)

But the fact is that its not really bad to think this way is it? I mean even the leaders of the Independent India scripted the constitution of India, they had the right motivation and the right intentions of seeing India being a democracy and being run as a democracy. Thats the case in physics too. We make a model based on some assumptions and then we get down and reveal something about nature that is almost right but never fully right. There is always the presence of some amount of damping and error that creeps into your experiment. That is what I think nature is all about-the disturbances, the errors and the beauty that stems from such disturbances.

Look at the falling leaf, for instance. Due to the omnipresent wind and other atmospheric disturbances, the leaf sort of dances in the wind. If the wind is strong, it “rides” on the wind and goes away and explores places. Even in its last “dance” it lives and enjoys and explores. Thats nature. When people talk about Quantum Mechanics and remark on the obvious esoteric nature, the only answer that physicists are able to give them is “That’s how nature works”. Even the most smallest of electrons can be at many places at the same time. Nature has this crazy way of looking at things. The way I see it, nature gives every electron in the universe a chance to explore beyond its restricted “orbit” that Bohr subscribed it. In my opinion, Heisenberg was the most enlightened of all physicists. In one stroke he gave us a picture of nature that we hadn’t seen before.

See, I have again meandered away from the original thought process. Yet this what I am trying to see: the extent to which I can go. The extent of the mind is what I am trying to see and if you have been following my previous posts this is what Individualism is all about.

Published in: Uncategorized on May 31, 2010 at 3:34 pm  Leave a Comment  

Individualism (contd)

I am trying to amalgamate two of my previous posts into one consistent theme. In my post titled May 22 2010(, I had recounted on how I dont notice anything and other stuff.

Let us say that you are reading a book. What does the author want you to see? He wants you to see the environment and the setting. He tells you about the characters, their feelings and then he brings you to the conversation that is happening between the group of people.

Another folly of mine is that whenever I read a book, I concentrate on the conversation. That’s why most of the time I end up reading the book twice or thrice. That is what I am trying to imply. The beauty of individualism that is so inherent even in the smallest of my actions. The fact is that I believe any book, of fiction atleast, is written with the sole aim of narrating a story. In that story, there are characters and their experiences. The fact is that the most important aspect according to me is the piece of conversation that is going on between the two. Whatever other input that the person is trying to give is important but not as important as the piece of conversation .

In my mind, whenever I recreate a scene or produce something new, the person comes first, then comes what he is trying to do. Only when I have decided on all those variables will I ever go on with the story or the poem or any other thing. To me the centre of the human community is the individual. The individual actions, his decisions and his emotions are what determine his life and his way in the world. The individual should not base his decisions on what the society thinks. He should base it on the simple aspects of what his right and what is wrong by his own accord, his own conscience.

Though it might just contradict the community way of living that is so inherent in humans, but still the center of even the most connected (for lack of a better word) communities.  Every matter discussed,. decision taken and motive acted upon is governed by keeping the individual in mind or thats my way of looking at things.

Published in: on May 29, 2010 at 6:06 pm  Leave a Comment  

May 24 2010

I have long been fascinated by nature and its laws. That is what brought me to the amazing world of physics in the first place.  Just the thought that you could have an answer to almost anything in the universe is amazing. But in recent years, I haven’t been able to give the kind of attention that it demands

Yet some fascinating theories and propositions are still fresh in my mind like string theory for example. String theory is the theory that, apart from other with even esoteric names like Loop Quantum Gravity, Twistor theory, M-Theory, is being touted as the theory of everything. I take this opportunity to explain what the theory of everything is and what scientist say will unify physics.

The fact is that in the recent decades the main thrust has been on the unification of physics. By unification they mean that they can combine Einstein’s relativity with Quantum Mechanics; unification of the theory of the macroscopic and the theory of the microscopic. And here come the above mentioned theories.  We could also look at it from another perspective.

There are four fundamental forces in the Universe namely gravity, the weak nuclear force, the strong nuclear force and the electromagnetic force. Up until now, physicists have been able to combine the last three forces in what is now called the Standard Model of Physics. But gravity still eludes them. This is where string theory and the other come into the picture. One most note that these are just hypothesis; a mathematical construct in which nothing has been proved. But the bigger question that worries me is the beauty of the theories, albeit any theory.

The conundrum is that nature is beautiful. You look at the trees, the stars, the sun or any other natural thing, even humans they have a ceratin amount of aesthetic beauty that one could easily appreciate without any mathematical construct whatsoever. Physicists say that the theory of quantum mechanics is beautiful simply because it explains the strangeness of nature and has also been experimentally verified.  Yet without atleast 5 yrs of Grad school, or a geeky mind, you cant appreciate its beauty. It is beautiful but not for all.

This is my problem with the current scheme of things. For instance, in string theory one may need 10 dimensions even 26 sometimes. Hard to believe! But the fact is that once you see the math and the hypothesis that lie at the bottom of string theory, you will understand and realize that its not that esoteric after all. But just for one moment, can nature be at its most fundamental level be so strange, so esoteric that at the microscopic level it would be made out of strings. Moreover, the math (with 26 dimensions?) is bulky too. You would expect that as you meandered down to the microscopic level things would get more basic and more rudimentary. But that’s not been the case.

This is precisely my motivation to be a theoretical physicist: to find a beautiful and elegant theory for the universe that explains everything. And I have no strings attached.

Published in: Uncategorized on May 24, 2010 at 2:05 pm  Leave a Comment  


Individualism. Though I might not know the definition of the word, neither do I attempt to define it, it has been the biggest cause of success and also sometimes been the biggest cause of my being perpetrated as a garrulous and proud person. I solely believe in the concept of the individual and his rights.

Every time that someone takes a decision, he is doing an experiment in individualism. The biggest treatise, so as to say, is that for almost everything in the (visible) universe, the individual should be at the center of it all. You might disagree that man is a social animal and by nature humans have flourished as communities which later swelled onto become civilizations and to the modern world today. Individualism doesn’t take away the community or the social aspect of human existence. All it does is to exert the influence of the individual on his own life. Though it may sound trivial, yet for a person that is sometimes the hardest thing to do.

What does taking control of your own life mean? Aren’t we all control our lives? No. We do not. Hard it may be for some of us to believe, most of our decisions and actions are determined by the almost incomprehensible morality of the society. Right from the time that a human is born, he is fed information and knowledge about what is right and what is wrong; this is good and this is bad. It may not sound too bad but the fact is that once the person does start to conform to these perceptions, he has no escape. From that point on he is governed by the laws of what we call morals, ethics and sometimes the code of conduct. A human being is supposed to behave in a certain way. Yes, I agree that it is necessary for sustenance of life. More serious and somewhat cynical people might go on to say that without morals etc, we would be hurled into chaos. It may or may not happen. What my version of individualism demands is the right of the person to ponder, decide and choose his own morals, ethics and what he thinks is the correct code of conduct. Cynics may again argue that it may differ from one person to another. Yet that is what individualism promotes: The identity and the virtues, even the most trivial idiosyncrasies of an individual that in fact make him an individual.

We always talk about the variations in people’s opinions, the diversity of thought and even in the way we look and remark upon the greatness and the remarkable nature of the human race. This is what individualism promotes and some. The fact is that today people are afraid to voice their opinions for fear of being outcast from the society. The present system of governance anywhere in the world takes away the spirit of individualism. Nowhere is it more evident than in India. Every decision that the polity takes is based under the almost farcical assumption that the people have to be ruled and without them the country cant survive and will surely descend into anarchy. They are partially correct but mostly they are wrong. The whole of spirit of individualism argues that you should give the people a chance to decide what is right for them. Cynics may argue that we give them the right to vote, the right to freedom of speech and the other fundamental rights upon which the Indian polity gloats not only in India but abroad also. The fact is that the governing bodies in India treat us like sheep, with it assuming the comfy position of the shepherd. What it forgets is that although the sheep may speak up they have only one meter, the so called shepherd-Indians have many voices. A shepherd may look after the sheep it can certainly never look after the Indians.

Published in: on May 23, 2010 at 2:31 pm  Leave a Comment  

May 22 2010

My folly is that I don’t notice too much. Countless books have I read and to each of them I subscribe a certain level of imagery and vividness. The fact is that many a time the author in questions tell us about the setting and the environment. But whenever I write the main emphasis is on the people and the people alone. Never have I veered off to explain the setting nor have I ever pressed on to express the environment. In my visions and my dreams I only see the person whom I am thinking about. Never have I thought about the way he is standing or the way a particular person is walking. I have only seen the person or two persons. When the persons become too many my mind conjures up a setting. So in a way my visions have an inverse kind of property to them. Many writers will first think of the setting, then the temperature, then the wind speed and then they think about what the persons are talking about.

Yet this kind of imagery is not inherent to me and neither does it come naturally to me. Most of my writings and my thoughts come to me in the night and there is one constant factor, a sole factor that is the inspiration. Sometimes it comes and I imagine it to be something positive, the sole property that attracts me to it. In fact, it is always present in my writings in some form or another. I won’t veer off much.

See that’s my other folly. I veer off too much. It seems I have no control over my thoughts. Once the chain of thoughts is established then nothing stops me. It’s me and the pen or in this case the keyboard. But the fact remains that my train of thoughts don’t seem to have any inherent connection. Yet the motivation of the next chain of thought is quite tied to the previous one, though one may not be able to see any connection. That’s what I want my readers to do. I want them to work out the link between specific chain of thoughts.

This is another aspect of my persona. I want challenges and I love giving others challenges. Challenges are what I love most. And that’s what I want to give the reader. He should work out the meaning and the motivation of my work. I don’t care whether the person is right or wrong. That’s never a problem. Opinions have to be respected, though I may seldom subscribe to them. But the beauty of it all is that the person whose opinion is in question: how well is he able to defend it and how well he actually feels its true. The opinion should be true for him: that’s the most important aspect of any exchange.

All in all, I don’t know why or what the motivation behind what I wrote. I seldom do. But that’s what the amazement of it all is. The thoughts and the expressions, the emotions and the feelings that are so much a part of human thinking as they are of human existence should never be stifled. Whenever you take away a person’s right to think for himself, or the right to emote, you take away the most important right that nature provided to us: that of the right to be human.

After reading the above, one might that start to ascribe to the notion that this is a diary of sorts, a diary where I pen my thoughts. Well I differ. A diary, in my opinion(see opinions again) is where you pen and write down your day to day experiences. I haven’t done any of it. Suffice to say, my experiences aren’t quite dramatic. Sorry to disappoint. Yet this is a memoir of sorts. No  that’s not right. Well, how should I sum it up.  It’s a pensieve, but of a rather different kind. This is not some place where I put my memories. It’s a place where I put my thoughts, my emotions, my desires, my likes and dislikes etc. it’s a mirror of sorts. A sneak peek to what I think. In a way, I am surprising myself by writing all this down. Its all up here: in the mind. The most powerful and potent tool there is. It can fabricate, create, destroy, nullify, reconstruct, reproduce almost anything. But its not on demand. You have to know yourself before you train your mind. You need to know the most intimate truths about yourself. And this process will never be complete. Its an ongoing process; a process where you learn to know about yourself and more importantly learn “how” to know about yourself. The mind is YOU. Its your charcter, personality your desire; everything from your little toe to your pituitary gland, its all in the mind. Learn to control it and you learn to listen to yourself.

Sometimes I wonder how I might react to certain situations. My other big folly is that I react too late. In the case of a casual discourse or conversation, I might not be the swiftest. But then again certain predicaments do exist where my senses are highly acute and they respond almost instantaneously. It’s a reflex. When in a debating mood, I can rip you apart. But if it’s a friendly banter, I might even become the target of many a ridicule.

AH….. Mood. That very strange looking word and an even stranger state of mind. What one might call a moody person, I would call a person  who has very limited or no control over his mind. He doesn’t know when to actually react and how to react. In a way, again mood is something that you can control. The most masterful of people are really good at hiding their true moods, their true states of mind. They are the ones who have learnt to master their mind.

Another aspect that comes across as extremely fascinating is that fact that the mind does not care itself about why, when or where after some point of time. What it does teach is to answer the question how. Suppose you have to pick up a glass. The mind “knows” that you have to pick up the glass; it knows “where” the glass is (maybe on the table, on the ground perhaps or is it a mirage); it knows “why” you want it(maybe you are thirsty, or just plain curious). But the tool that has to do the job is the hand. Only the mind tells the hand “how” to do it. That is the fallacy of the mind. It cant answer “how”. It can only command the other parts to do “how”. And that’s why we need the mind to tell us “how”

Published in: on May 23, 2010 at 8:43 am  Comments (1)  

Why man cut the tree?

The tree was first a sapling in the beginning like we all are, a baby, helpless without protection.

There through the corner of its eye, it saw the baby; it heard the sound of his crying he thought. Why does the baby cry he asked?

Years go by. Both the tree and the baby grow together. After the initial curiosity of the sapling, he matured and became a tree. That’s what the boy’s mother and the boy called him. The boy had leaves, roots and eyes. The tree had arms and legs but were were his eyes?

He didn’t need any?Why? He heard. Yes he heard. He heard the birds, the ruffling of his own leaves .

As the years went by, the tree grew stronger and its arms grew longer, its legs became longer. But what of the boy. He grew old and weak. Why thought the tree?

Why?Why Indeed?

The baby walks out this time on three legs. With small steps on the earth, he makes his way to the tree. Its autumn for both of them

The baby has lost something. He is sad. The tree has lost many. Except one.

It too is in the autumn of its life. Its the last leaf on the tree. The baby looks up and sees it fall on the ground.  The tree looks at it falling, almost with desire. And then it falls.

The baby asks the tree “Aren’t you sad?” “No” replies the tree.

Its winter for both of them. The baby now slower than ever, walks over to the tree once again. Asks him, “I have nothing left. Love has left me. Life has left me.” “It has left us both”, replied the tree.

“Aren’t you sad?”


“But why not?”

“Because, they never leave me. They always come back”

Spring comes. Both the baby and the tree lie together on the earth.

That’s why man cut the tree.

Why you ask? That’s for you to decide

Published in: on May 22, 2010 at 2:12 pm  Leave a Comment