My folly is that I don’t notice too much. Countless books have I read and to each of them I subscribe a certain level of imagery and vividness. The fact is that many a time the author in questions tell us about the setting and the environment. But whenever I write the main emphasis is on the people and the people alone. Never have I veered off to explain the setting nor have I ever pressed on to express the environment. In my visions and my dreams I only see the person whom I am thinking about. Never have I thought about the way he is standing or the way a particular person is walking. I have only seen the person or two persons. When the persons become too many my mind conjures up a setting. So in a way my visions have an inverse kind of property to them. Many writers will first think of the setting, then the temperature, then the wind speed and then they think about what the persons are talking about.
Yet this kind of imagery is not inherent to me and neither does it come naturally to me. Most of my writings and my thoughts come to me in the night and there is one constant factor, a sole factor that is the inspiration. Sometimes it comes and I imagine it to be something positive, the sole property that attracts me to it. In fact, it is always present in my writings in some form or another. I won’t veer off much.
See that’s my other folly. I veer off too much. It seems I have no control over my thoughts. Once the chain of thoughts is established then nothing stops me. It’s me and the pen or in this case the keyboard. But the fact remains that my train of thoughts don’t seem to have any inherent connection. Yet the motivation of the next chain of thought is quite tied to the previous one, though one may not be able to see any connection. That’s what I want my readers to do. I want them to work out the link between specific chain of thoughts.
This is another aspect of my persona. I want challenges and I love giving others challenges. Challenges are what I love most. And that’s what I want to give the reader. He should work out the meaning and the motivation of my work. I don’t care whether the person is right or wrong. That’s never a problem. Opinions have to be respected, though I may seldom subscribe to them. But the beauty of it all is that the person whose opinion is in question: how well is he able to defend it and how well he actually feels its true. The opinion should be true for him: that’s the most important aspect of any exchange.
All in all, I don’t know why or what the motivation behind what I wrote. I seldom do. But that’s what the amazement of it all is. The thoughts and the expressions, the emotions and the feelings that are so much a part of human thinking as they are of human existence should never be stifled. Whenever you take away a person’s right to think for himself, or the right to emote, you take away the most important right that nature provided to us: that of the right to be human.
After reading the above, one might that start to ascribe to the notion that this is a diary of sorts, a diary where I pen my thoughts. Well I differ. A diary, in my opinion(see opinions again) is where you pen and write down your day to day experiences. I haven’t done any of it. Suffice to say, my experiences aren’t quite dramatic. Sorry to disappoint. Yet this is a memoir of sorts. No that’s not right. Well, how should I sum it up. It’s a pensieve, but of a rather different kind. This is not some place where I put my memories. It’s a place where I put my thoughts, my emotions, my desires, my likes and dislikes etc. it’s a mirror of sorts. A sneak peek to what I think. In a way, I am surprising myself by writing all this down. Its all up here: in the mind. The most powerful and potent tool there is. It can fabricate, create, destroy, nullify, reconstruct, reproduce almost anything. But its not on demand. You have to know yourself before you train your mind. You need to know the most intimate truths about yourself. And this process will never be complete. Its an ongoing process; a process where you learn to know about yourself and more importantly learn “how” to know about yourself. The mind is YOU. Its your charcter, personality your desire; everything from your little toe to your pituitary gland, its all in the mind. Learn to control it and you learn to listen to yourself.
Sometimes I wonder how I might react to certain situations. My other big folly is that I react too late. In the case of a casual discourse or conversation, I might not be the swiftest. But then again certain predicaments do exist where my senses are highly acute and they respond almost instantaneously. It’s a reflex. When in a debating mood, I can rip you apart. But if it’s a friendly banter, I might even become the target of many a ridicule.
AH….. Mood. That very strange looking word and an even stranger state of mind. What one might call a moody person, I would call a person who has very limited or no control over his mind. He doesn’t know when to actually react and how to react. In a way, again mood is something that you can control. The most masterful of people are really good at hiding their true moods, their true states of mind. They are the ones who have learnt to master their mind.
Another aspect that comes across as extremely fascinating is that fact that the mind does not care itself about why, when or where after some point of time. What it does teach is to answer the question how. Suppose you have to pick up a glass. The mind “knows” that you have to pick up the glass; it knows “where” the glass is (maybe on the table, on the ground perhaps or is it a mirage); it knows “why” you want it(maybe you are thirsty, or just plain curious). But the tool that has to do the job is the hand. Only the mind tells the hand “how” to do it. That is the fallacy of the mind. It cant answer “how”. It can only command the other parts to do “how”. And that’s why we need the mind to tell us “how”
Random thoughts 